In this week's episode of Translucent, host Lee Wade talks to Iden Crockett, a trans woman who came out in her early 40's while married, raising kids, and working as a firefighter. Iden remembers the moment she came out to her family and says she faced it head on.
This transcript has been lightly edited for length and clarity.
Crockett: I approached all of my comings out, just sort of that ripping the bandaid off. My family was out of town. I thought, well, I will wait until they get back and then I will talk about this with my wife. That didn't work. We were on the phone that night and I just said, "hey, I wore girls clothes all day long today." And she was like, "oh, okay." I said, "I really liked it and I'm going to do it forever. And I'm a woman now." So that was how I handled that. And we were a little bit more tactful with the kids, although we probably didn't need to be. I'm convinced that they, even as young as they were at the time, knew more about transgender people than me. They really seemed to accept things right off the bat. I was nervous, but I wasn't as afraid as I should have been. I think that I had coasted through life a little in that when I was presenting male, I was popular, I was a good-looking guy, I had never really been an outcast. I'd never really had to deal with any sort of discrimination or bad treatment. And I went into this very naively thinking, well, maybe some people will have problems with it or maybe they would have problems other people. But I'm Iden. And, I'm so cool that, I am I'm gonna be the one, I'm going to be the the one who who goes through this and it's not going to be an issue. And so I didn't really have time to be afraid until I was already. So no, there was no moment until well, well beyond it being too late for me to be afraid.
Wade: At a time when pushback makes people hesitant to come out, Iden says, there's real power in being visible.
Crockett: I talk to a lot of trans people that sort of go back and forth, do I come out, do I transition, or do I stay hiding and feel safe? And what I hope is that they find the courage to commit to it also and come out because the other half of this is I hope that the cisgendered people see the joy and the power of being yourself. You don't have to be trans to be hiding who you are. Everybody I know. Is hiding aspects of themselves and carry the shame, whether that's shame for their past or some of their current problems or their mistakes or their body isn't how they want, or their job - they carry all of these things and they don't have to. And so I hope that people see that it's possible to be yourself and that it is powerful to be your self. And when they see somebody out there living as who they really are, regardless of whether they're trans and instead of punishing it and fearing it, they respect it and admire it.
Wade: What have your kids taught you about courage and vulnerability as Iden?
Crockett: Well, I would say that what my kids have taught me is that at the end of the day, as complicated as it seems to be trans, it isn't. It's very simple. It's simple to call someone what they want to be called. It's really simple to use the pronouns that they want to use and treat them how they are asking to be treated. When I sat down and told the kids that I was trans and that my name was Iden now and I wanted to use "she/her" and all of this, they said, "okay," and then they did. And I watched them now that they're older, they're teenagers and they're going through this and they have gender-queer friends and all this and that is what they do with their friends. That is what do with other adult trans people in their lives. It is very simple and easy to respect somebody.
Wade: That was Iden Crockett sharing her story of coming out as a trans woman later in life. I'm Lee Wade, and thank you for listening to Translucent.
This story was produced at the Eichelberger Center for Community Voices at WYSO. Translucent is made possible with support from The Rubi Girls Foundation and Square One Salon.
